Time to give thanks. Let’s get cracking.
Sure, this isn’t the absolutely best and brightest holiday season ever. But look at the pluses. There has never been a better time to buy a condo in Reno, Nev., or a plane ticket from Oklahoma City to Disney World. Bargains abound!
And we sleep the sleep of the insolvent innocent. Our retirement funds may have evaporated, and we may be envisioning ourselves deep-frying chicken nuggets on our 85th birthdays. But the good part is that it wasn’t our fault. As a matter of fact, if it had been left to us, the subprime derivative never would have been invented. And a clean conscience is worth more than all the golden parachutes, indoor squash courts and $13 million vacation houses in the world.
Also, we’re thankful that we’re not Iceland.
Of course, we’re glad that George Bush is gone. Or almost. Sure does seem to be taking his time, doesn’t he?
And we’re thankful for Barack Obama. Can’t get enough of him — which is a good thing, because he’s been on TV a lot. Everybody seems pleased that he plans to use Abraham Lincoln’s “Team of Rivals” strategy to encourage a wide range of views within his administration. This sounded even better, however, before I heard that Millard Fillmore used it first.
Some people are upset because Obama has been dipping into the old Clinton crowd for his appointments. But really, where did you expect him to go? The Carter administration?
This does not qualify as bad news. Bad news would be suddenly noticing that the president-elect was filling the White House with old friends from the Illinois State Senate.
So, we’re happy. Give thanks.
And let’s be grateful that Tim Geithner is going to the Treasury Department. True, we miss the days when we could not even remember who the secretary of Treasury was, let alone refer to him by his nickname. But thank heavens that Tim is on the case, along with the other widely respected economists that Obama has recruited for his team.
Let’s also give thanks that we are not widely respected economists ourselves. Because God knows what they’re going to do with this hairball.
We should be happy that Hillary Clinton is apparently going to be secretary of state. On the down side, she does have a tendency toward disaster. But then she generally figures out what she did wrong and fixes it.
This is way, way better than the outgoing system of decreeing that the original stupid error is not only correct but written by the hand of God. So it’d be nice to have Hillary on board. You would not necessarily want to be the first trouble spot on her agenda, but by the time she gets to number three or four she will be terrific.
As a side benefit, New Yorkers are enjoying the opportunity to speculate about who would be appointed to Clinton’s Senate seat. We’re extremely grateful to have something to take our mind off the unemployment rate.
So far, attention has focused on the attorney general of New York, Andrew Cuomo, who voters have named in several polls as The Only Person on This List We Have Ever Heard Of.
However, everybody in the State Capitol seems to agree that it would be best if Gov. David Paterson could find a Hispanic congresswoman upstate for the job. Unfortunately, there are no Hispanic congresswomen upstate. But perhaps an upstate congressman will resign and Paterson could appoint one. There’s a lot of that sort of thing going around lately.
I am personally thankful that “Mad Men” got renewed, that Britney Spears is feeling better and that Joe the Plumber has found work as a spokesman for an online converter-box retailer. Even though he does not seem to appreciate the irony of reminding viewers they can apply for a $40 government rebate to help pay for the product.
I am also feeling O.K. about “Twilight” being the big seasonal hit so far at the box office, although having gone through all four of the books that make up this series, I have to warn you that the vampire becomes increasingly obsessed with avoiding sex outside of marriage.
And ever since she named her baby Bronx Mowgli, we can all be grateful that we are not related to Ashlee Simpson.
So it’s all good. And we haven’t even gotten to being thankful for beloved friends and family, because I know you can do that on your own. Have a happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your dinner.
Although we can never feel quite the same about turkey after that Sarah Palin video.